Being self-aware means knowing what you're good at and what you're not.
When it comes to writing or being organized, or planning things, I feel pretty confident.
But I'm not so good when it comes to fixing stuff, outdoor chores, mechanical jobs, etc.
This is why I'm pretty proud of the fact that I've learned how to start my own fires in both my fireplace and my firepit.
And so far, I haven't burned the house down.
But I sometimes still don't think things through well enough.
Call me human.
Last summer, I had to burn a lot of brush and branches after we took a couple of trees down in my backyard.
That also meant I had a lot of ashes in my firepit to dispose of in order to keep burning.
There I was, burning all of this brush, feeling good about the progress I was making, and scooping the ashes into...a cardboard box.
Now before you start shaking your head at me, I let them sit overnight and even hosed them down before I went to bed.
I didn't just shovel burning hot ashes into the box.
And I put the box on my concrete patio, not near anything else that could burn.
But still....
I started burning the next pile of brush and went about my business.
Until I noticed the smoke, trailing up from the box. And the holes that were appearing in the sides of it.
It wasn't flaming, but slowly smoldering from the middle.
They're deceiving sometimes. It can be hard to tell if they still have some burn in them.
Human beings can be like that too.
On the surface, we look calm, cool, and collected.
But underneath, there's stuff smoldering, pressure building, threatening to burn holes in our lives.
If we're put in situations where there's too much, piles of ashes on top of piles of ashes, things start to smoke.
And the people around us can't see it until it's too late sometimes.
Unless we talk about it.
Unless we spread the ashes out enough so they can breathe.
Unless we find outlets to release all of that pressure.
This past year and a half, I've found myself in that cardboard box more than a few times. Burning up from the middle, feeling the holes forming in the sides of my life.
It's been hard to reach out and ask for help. For an ear to listen, for a hug, for a sounding board. But it's also been the best way to power through it all.
Life isn't going to stop happening. The good, the bad, and everything in-between.
The roller coaster is on a continuous loop.
And we're strapped in, along for the ride whether we like it or not.
We need to let the other people on the ride with us share in our journey.
Help each other keep our piles of ashes from smoking and starting to burn.
I learned my lesson from that experience last summer.
Now I use a bucket with a shallow layer of water in it if I have to dispose of the ashes from my firepit.
Keeps the smoke to a minimum and the fire danger low.
Just the way I like it.
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