The other day, my cat almost made me fall down the stairs.
I was holding a cup of coffee in one hand and my laptop bag in the other. All ready for work and running on time, feeling good and on top of things.
Firefly was standing at the top of the stairs, meowing at me. She's such a foodie - she was begging for her morning treat.
I stepped off the landing just as she ran under my feet.
I tripped over her, sliding down two steps until I found my footing.
Miraculously, I didn't drop my cup of coffee.
Or break a limb.
But in that split second when I was stumbling, I had a vision of what could have happened.
I saw myself sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs, one leg at an odd angle, clearly broken.
My boys wouldn't be home from school until 3, so it would be hours before anyone would find me.
Maybe someone at work would notice I wasn't there and try to call me. I pictured myself listening to the phone ring from where I lay, but not being able to get up and answer it.
My office is an hour away, so not likely that anyone would drive over to check on me.
Hopefully, I wouldn't bleed to death...
How's that for worst case scenario thinking?
It happens to me more now that I am getting older and feeling my mortality.
Part of my problem is the fact that in just a few years I'll be alone in this big house, and that's freaking me out just a little bit.
Well, I guess I won't be totally alone. The cat will be here too, although she did just try to kill me...
Maybe I should get one of those life alert lanyards to wear around my neck?
Or install a voice-activated system in my house that I can call out to for help and they can contact my family?
Stop rolling your eyes at me...
I guess if I am really honest with myself, the worst case scenario that I'm grappling with lately is that my boys will soon leave me and they won't need me anymore.
My role as their mom is evolving, and I'll wear this particular hat much less often in just a few short years.
I try to change my thinking when that thought gets too scary for me.
If I just reflect and put this life change into perspective...
Maybe it's not actually the"worst" case scenario.
Maybe it's the "best" one.
Because it means:
I've taught them to be secure enough in themselves that they are able to hold their own in life, both financially and socially.
They are confident enough to move away to experience the world, go on adventures and learn new cultures.
I can let go of the insecurities I feel as a mom navigating these difficult childhood and teenage years.
I will have more time to just be, maybe read a real book, listen to the quiet, travel to a few more places, and focus on the things that nourish my soul.
As they build their independent lives, someday I'll be a grandparent (not too soon though!). Not only will I get to enjoy those beautiful grandchildren, but I'll also have the opportunity to see my boys finally realize how difficult parenting is (sweet justice, right?)
And maybe, just maybe, if I'm really lucky, they'll one day realize how great they had it when they were growing up and thank me for it.
Now if I can just keep that darn cat from tripping me on the stairs so I can live long enough to see it...