It's Mother's Day.
A bittersweet holiday for me in general for a few reasons. But I'm not going to blog about those.
I am going to blog about the reality of this day for many of us and hopefully speak to those moms out there who struggle today to feel appreciated.
I think many moms put way too much pressure on Mother's Day.
We build up this vision in our head about how sweet our children will be today and the amazing expressions of love and appreciation we'll receive. We fantasize that they will all behave, do everything we ask them to and treat us like queens.
And then it never quite happens that way.
Deep down inside, many of us feel shorted on Mother's Day because it just doesn't turn out the way we had hoped it would.
I'm personally guilty of this. Since I have been a mom, there has never once been a Mother's Day that lived up to the vision in my head. Not one single time. Which has left me sad and resentful in year's past.
But not this year.
I've decided that I'm going to start doing a better job of reading between the lines.
It's time for me to let go of the idea that this day is going to go exactly the way I think it should.
Here's how my morning went:
Ryder woke up cranky and was giving me typical teenage attitude. He had to work all day today and he didn't really want to.
He walked right past me on the way to the shower, and didn't say Happy Mother's Day. I started to feel resentful. Doesn't he realize it's MY day today? After all I do for him...
But I took a deep breath and stopped myself from making an issue of it. Decided to roll with it and see what happened.
After he finished eating breakfast (that I made him), he gave me this amazing painting he made for my Mother's Day gift.
There was no card attached, no written expression of his love for me, but it was a beautiful, visual one.
I love the written word and my heart is touched by poems and sweet cards. I sometimes feel sad that he doesn't write down how he feels.
I shouldn't expect him to write me a poem or a beautiful card just because that's what I like. He's showing me love in the very best way he can. And I saw that for what it was this morning.
After giving me his gift, he sat down on the couch and curled up with a blanket.
Instead of feeling frustrated that he wasn't engaging with me in the few minutes he had with me this morning, I went and sat next to him.
He actually let me put my arm around him and rested his head in my lap. I closed my eyes, remembering the days when he was so little and we did the very same thing.
We sat like that in silence and it was three minutes of time with him that I will remember forever as one of the very best Mother's Day gifts I have ever received.
When I came home from dropping Ryder off at work, Jacob was waiting for me in the kitchen with a hot cup of coffee. In his underwear.
He had bought me a little wooden sign that said "Love You Mom" for me to put on my desk at work.
And he had made this pocket out of a piece of looseleaf paper, held together with staples.
He wrote on it, "Mom - we will share love, laughs, tears and frustrations. But I will always love you."
Inside the pocket was a beautiful pair of earrings. He picked them out special for me because he knows that feeling put together and beautiful helps me be more confident.
He gave me a big hug and then promptly said, "I'm going back to bed." And disappeared.
It was all over in the span of an hour.
And then I sat down with my coffee and my blog.
No huge celebration today, not a big production. But a compilation of little gestures and moments that in the past I didn't truly appreciate because I was too hung up on a ridiculous picture in my head of how this day should be.
So, I have some advice for all of you amazing moms out there who are struggling because the moments aren't turning out the way you think they should.
Stop and breathe and really take the time to look at what's going on around you.
Is your child showing you love in a way that he/she knows best?
Just because it's different from the way you expect it, doesn't mean it's not heartfelt or genuine.
Read between the lines today.
Look for those special moments that are tucked between the typical ones. Appreciate the beautiful, unique ways they show you their love.
And above all else, know this:
You are amazing.
You are beautiful.
You are strong.
You are enough.
Happy Mother's Day!