If life had a reset button, would you push it?
What would you change? Are there decisions you wish you had made differently, or not made at all, that would have taken your life in a whole different direction? People you would give one more chance, or then again, maybe one less?
My 25th high school reunion is this summer. I've been out of high school now longer than all of the years I spent in school combined, which is hard to believe.
High school was tough for me, at least socially. I went the first two years to one high school and then had to change schools my junior year when my mom got remarried and we moved to another town.
It was really hard to be the new kid. With my huge glasses and hand me down clothes, I certainly didn’t have a chance to hang with the “pretty” girls. Most of the girls in the school had already formed their cliques and friendships from as early as elementary school, and didn’t want to work to include someone new. I immersed myself in academics, participating in Forensics, Solo Ensemble, Drama Club, and the Academic Decathlon. I enjoyed challenging my brain, but even more enjoyed the recognition I received for being intelligent.
I ended up graduating high school third in my class, with several scholarships that helped me pay my way through college. That ultimately helped me build a strong resume to start my career. So, it wasn't all bad.
I think about what I could have done differently in high school. Maybe worked harder to overcome my fear of contact lenses, so I didn't have to wear those ugly glasses? Been more courageous to go up to and talk to the "cool girls" so I could be part of their group? But now I see those same girls and their lives playing out on Facebook with similar struggles and challenges, and I honestly don't think I'm missing out on anything.
After high school, I was accepted to the state college about 15 miles from home. I lived on campus the first couple of years and worked full-time to pay my way through school. I enjoyed living in the dorms, watched "Days of Our Lives" at noon in the commons with my friends, and went to more than a few parties. I guess you could say I had a pretty “typical” college experience.
I spent a few years during college working for a local law office, as a legal secretary, even though I didn’t have the formal training. Those were some of the best years of my life. I learned to type really well, and found that I was pretty good at keeping things organized and together for the attorneys. The skills I learned working there helped me build the business experience I needed to land my first real job.
I honestly don't think I would change much about college. Well, except maybe for the fact that I had to work almost every day while some of my friends just got to sleep!
College taught me so much about ambition and drive, how to stay on top of my school work, hold down a full-time job, and still have a social life. I thought I had it all down to a science. Little did I know how much more challenging life could get!
The years since school are probably where I have learned the most. Juggling a career, children, relationships and all of the other heavy responsibilities that come as we grow up has taught me more than I ever could have learned in high school or college.
I sometimes play back the events of my life over the last 25 years and think about the different paths I could have chosen.
What would my life look like now if I would have taken that job in Janesville after college instead of the one so far from home north of Milwaukee? Where might I be if I hadn't chosen to get married in my 20's or to move to Oconomowoc and commit myself to such a long commute to the office?
I might be in an entirely different city, with an entirely different set of memories, but I would still have just as many challenges and struggles. They would just be different ones with different people and different scenery.
And I wouldn't have my two wonderful children or even the same amazing friends that I have today. Those are things I wouldn't want to change. And if I was able to go back, every decision I would make differently would essentially take them away from me.
Some days I feel an immeasurable sense of regret when I think about a few pivotal events that have happened in my "adult" life. But then other days, I look at all of the beautiful gifts that make up this impossibly imperfect experience and I am humbled and so very grateful.
As I get older, I believe more and more that every single thing that happens to us happens for a reason. It's either to teach us something, or for us to teach someone else something. All of the choices I have made since school, the difficult decisions I have had to navigate and weigh pros/cons for, and the people I chose to let into my life, have brought a new experience or lesson that was meant to make me smarter, stronger, or just more self-aware.
I don't want to go back and make decisions differently, but instead to learn from them and shape the way I live as I move forward.
So, no, I don't think I would push the reset button, no matter how bright and shiny it is, or how many times it blinks at me.
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.